Interest hater

It looks like my debt has gone up, and I guess it has, but it is due to interest. So freaking annoying. I think I really would have freaked out if I had been more aware of the interest I was paying when I had my huge amount of debt. I would have had to have been mildly sedated in order to function. Money seems so much more meaningful now, when I used to use credit all the time, it never really felt real, which I guess is how I got myself in all this trouble to begin with. I think most people have these realizations as children (young adults), but I basically stuck my head in the sand and never learned how to live within my means or function as a responsible adult. I know that a lot of other people are in my boat, but I just want to smack myself on the forehead! In a way, I am a bit afraid to spend money at the moment, although I am still managing to spend a lot! I guess I was so out of control before and giving into every desire that even cutting back a bit seems drastic. Instant gratification - I think this is a major problem for me across the board. I think my inability to manage my weight and my money are completely related. I feel much more calm when I have a plan that I am actually implementing. I have a budget I have an exercise regime I have an eating plan I have a clean apartment I have a clean car All of these things make me feel calm and like I am doing a good job, just living. When these things are out of control I can really beat myself up, I know this is not good for me, but I can't seem to help it. So you would think knowing that these things are important would make me do them, but something prevents me...?!? I wish I knew why I can't just follow those 5 things and remain in a state where I am generally pleased with my life? Right now I have the budget and the clean apartment. I have my gym bag packed and have logged my food for the day. I guess the key is just stacking up days in a row of following through with all of these things. Hopefully/Maybe they will become habit? I would love to break myself of my self destructive habits, but a lifetime of making bad choices is hard to reverse. One day at a time...one meal at a time...